Been doing some thinking...

Ever since I left the Order, the same thought has crossed my mind on several occasions. I never really felt like dealing with it before, namely 'cause I didn't think it was important enough to think on prior to now. Then I was asked it by someone, and it made me really think about it. Seriously this time.

I was sparring with Tyren this morning after breakfast in his training room here in Larahude. (our family's estate here on Leria Kerlsil) I have to say, I've missed seeing my little brother. Hard to believe the same kid who used to pull my hair and play tricks on me is now a decorated soldier. I wish I knew why it was so surprising; after all, the guy's only three years younger than me.

Wait, I know why. It's because the last time I saw him for an extended period of time before I left for Dantooine, he was four years old and a royal terror. I'm amazed Aqie had the patience with him that she did. I'm certain I would have pushed him the nearest window had I dealt with the antics she did.

But that's all ancient history. Plus, it's inhibiting my telling this story.

So we decided to do some sparring; you know, keep us on our toes. By Leria, it felt strange to fight without a lightsaber! After so many years of carrying one, suddenly having to fight with either my bare hands or a vibroblade feels almost alien. Maybe that's why he wanted to spar so badly, so he could get me used to the feel of fighting sans saber.

So who won? Neither of us, actually. We weren't fighting to win. If anything, we fought to a draw.

As we walked back up to our rooms, Tyren turned and asked me, "Sabyne, why did you come home? I thought you had to stay on Dantooine. Are you still a Jedi?" Almost defensively, I answered that I was, and why I was home was no one's business but mine. That seemed good enough for him, as he quickened his pace and left me walking by myself.

So I've been holed up here in my room for a few hours, asking myself the same question. Am I still a Jedi? After all, I'm not part of the Order, not to mention I no longer have my saber. But after three hours' worth of thinking, I can finally say one thing with confidence:

The Council can say I'm not a Jedi until they're violet in the face, for all I care. I'm still a Jedi.

So what if I don't belong to the Order? Since when does the Order decide who's Jedi and who isn't? Even without my lightsaber, I still follow the tenets of the Jedi Code, and I can still use the Force, so that should still make me a Jedi, right?

In unrelated developments, Mother told me Tierslae was asking if I would accompany her as one of her handmaidens on Coruscant. I'm still not sure what to say to that. As long as I can remember, I've known Tierslae to be nothing less than a self-absorbed bore who thinks she's the closest thing to perfection because she's our homeworld's youngest diplomat in three centuries. Still, I told Mother I would consider it.

Just call me a softie, I guess.

Aqie's calling me for dinner. Sabyne out.