So much to do

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Too much, in fact, to write it all in here.

I returned to Dantooine for a few weeks shortly after my last entry. It seems the Council was being fed erroneous information regarding me. Couple that with "open-handedly generous" interference (my nice term for bribery) from the Senate, and you get a royal mess that I was sucked in the middle of.

Go figure. Seems any time trouble skips along the Galaxy it likes to try and involve me to some degree.

On the upside, I did get my 'saber back. I have to admit, I kind of missed holding it in my hand, feeling its slight weight tug at my belt. I've been working at sparring with it. It's just like learning to drive a speeder; once you learn, you never forget.

I spoke with Master Vandar a few days after I arrived about possibly learning to wield two sabers. He seemed very perceptive to the idea and told me I would have to travel to Coruscant to learn from the lightsaber Masters, which is where I am today.

The Temple is incredible! It's even more wonderful than I remember it being. My quarters are twice the size of those I had at the Enclave, and far more comfortable. Tomorrow, I will begin my dual saber training with Master Rohn. I'm looking forward to it.

Speaking of the Masters, I haven't seen much of Master Vrook. Maybe that's for the better. He always did have some criticism or other to hand down to me. Grouch.

-Sabyne

Frack it all...

Nothing like the events of the past several weeks to make me wish I was back on Dantooine. Nope, nothing at all.

In case you couldn't tell, yes I'm being sarcastic. And yes, I'm annoyed.

So I took on a job Father referred me for, doing a scouting run for a group of traders. At least, that's what they told me they did. Turns out they're a cover for one arm of the Exchange, one of the biggest "businesses" in the Galaxy. What do they deal in, you ask? You name it, they've got their corrupting fingers in it. Slaves, spice, gambling...everything.

And I landed neatly in the middle of it all. Frack, I'm an idiot.

This particular group specializes in smuggling large shipments of weapons and spice to sectors hostile to the Republic. Their "mission" for me was merely to find new routes to bypass Republic Customs and checkpoints along the known routes. Well, seems someone tipped off the Republic, which sent a cadre of soldiers to intercept them. The moment I led them out of hyperspace near Corellia, they were on us like Kath Hounds on an Iriaz.

Now I gotta give credit where credit is due. Those smugglers are smart. They didn't get where they are now by being stupid. The moment one of their ships spotted the Republic fighters, they were long gone. Naturally, I followed in StarScreamer, but her hyperdrive chose that particular instant to go out on me. Damn useless mechanics. I swore a blue steak, vowing they would feel a Galaxy of hurt when I got through with them, all the while being surrounded.

Did I surrender? Well, I kinda had no choice. Not if I wanted to stay in one piece.

So I was escorted to a landing on Corellia, where I was promptly arrested and thrown into one of their better holding facilities. I gotta hand it to the Republic, they do know how to treat prisoners. I didn't starve, nor was I mistreated, unless you count having no Holonet access as cruel torture.

Yet, who do I see when I'm brought out of my cell for questioning? None other than Father's old war buddy. Remember the guy I mentioned before? The one whose name escaped me, except that his last name started with an "O"? Well, I know his name so perfectly now that I don't dare forget it again.

Carth Onasi

He appeared less than happy as I was hauled in front of him. In fact, he looked as though he'd prefer executing me on the spot for helping the smugglers. In his mind, maybe he thought I volunteered as a "decoy" to let them escape. Hmph. Excuse me if that's a load of bantha poodoo. I'd NEVER be that stupid. Of course, I also told myself I'd never let myself be so stupid as to get caught either. *sigh*

I was in that fracking cell for two weeks before I was freed. It seems the Republic had a spy amongst the ranks of those smugglers. It was the same spy who tipped them off as to our coordinates when I was captured. Once the smugglers were rounded up, they confessed to making me into the "fall girl" as it were. Since the soldiers are nothing but gentlemen (sarcasm), they freed me with a "sorry about that, good luck to you." and a pat on the shoulder.

Well, all except for Onasi. What the frack is with that guy? He looks at me strangely, like he wishes I were either dead or...I don't know what. I do know one thing, however. I know that this won't be the end of my interacting with him. I feel our paths will cross again in the future. When is the only question.

I got a strange message from Dantooine just a few minutes ago, requesting I return. A part of me would rather not, yet the rest of me feels that I should. I wonder what they want with me this time. Wasn't expelling me enough?

-Sabyne

Damn it all...

Nothing like a solar storm knocking out the Holonet for several days to make one miss it. Thankfully, Father has some good connections, and it's back up and running. By the Force, I never thought "visiting" with Tierslae would get on my nerves the way it has! Thankfully, she hasn't made me her perpetual handmaiden (She brought Darnicia for that...) so I was pretty much left alone except for mealtimes and a few of the quieter times around here. Still, without the Holonet as my sanctuary, I've had to grit my teeth and endure my sister talking about this treaty she negotiated or that diplomat she dined with, until I'm about ready to shove a blaster pistol in my left ear and end my misery permanently!

I also might have a job with Father. He needs someone to help scout out new routes for interplanetary trading, and he asked me along. I guess if it keeps my mind off the Order, and off wanting to strangle Tierslae, then it's a good thing, right? I'm not 100% convinced, so I told him I'd think about it.

Uh-oh. Tierslae's asking for me. Gotta go. Sabyne out.

It's Official

Tierslae will be coming home tomorrow. Wish I felt more excited, but the thought of several days visiting with that stuck-up snit isn't one I relish. Ah well, with Tyren here, maybe it will dilute her attention somewhat. It seems everytime she sees me she wants to turn me into her new protege or something. No thanks.

So we had a guest for dinner today. Some Republic soldier Father knew from his days scouting better routes for their soldiers during the Wars. Can't remember the guy's name, but I do remember his last name starts with "O", and he was carrying enough despair and anger for twenty people. I wonder what happened to make him hurt that much...

Wait a sec, why do I care? The guy can't even be bothered to pull himself out of his feelings and be polite. I was all manners, introducing myself, offering to show him around, yet he looked at me like I was either invisible or beneath him. Jerk. If I never see him again, it'll be far too soon, I can see it now.

Man, I need to get some sleep. Sleep will keep my mind off of rude Republic soldiers. Sabyne out.

More memories of Dantooine

Why is it so hard to sleep when you really need to? I should be asleep right now; in fact I'm surprised I'm not.

Sparred some more with Tyren this morning. Geez, here I thought this guy was the runt of us three kids, now he's almost to the point where he can beat me at sparring. Note I said almost. He's a tough guy and a capable fighter, but it seems he's spent a bit too much time fighting with weapons, whereas I first learned to fight using only my hands and feet.

It may not be ladylike, but damn, I hope it comes in handy.

Spoke with Mother after dinner this evening. Apparently, she received a message from Tierslae saying she should be arriving home for a short break in a few days. I'm not sure whether to cheer or groan. Don't get me wrong, I respect and love my sister dearly, but she should really...shall we say...lighten up? Believe me, it'd make things much easier if I didn't get an icy glare every time something I did didn't meet with her approval. Geh, almost as bad as dueling with Bastila on Dantooine. Almost. I doubt anything could be worse than sparring with that spoiled, whiny twit.

Speaking of Dantooine, I remember who I would have wanted to say goodbye to...Juhani. Who's Juhani? She's a Padawan, as I was. A Cathar who came from her home to train as a Jedi, though she never told me where she came from. I remember how she was made fun of when she arrived...I felt awful for her! I mean, here she is, far from her home, being teased because of how different she looks by individuals who should know better. At that moment, I decided I would be her friend, and that's the way it went.

Sure, there were whispers about us being "closer" than friends, but I dismissed it all. I never was tolerant of gossip, and I'm even less so of the hurtful kind, which most gossip is anyway. I just ignored it, focusing instead on both my training and my friendship with Juhani.

Heh. At least she was gracious enough to take being defeated in lightsaber sparring with a smile instead of a scowl, like "Jedi Princess" Bastila.

*sigh* I miss Juhani. I hope she's still doing well with her training. I remember times where she was getting so discouraged I was afraid she would quit. I may not know much about Cathar, but from what I've observed about her, it seems they don't take shortcomings and failure very well. I still remember the last bit of advice I gave her. When she came to me in tears because her teacher had scolded her for being unable to perform her lessons correctly, I looked her in the eye and told her, "Look, Juhani, I'm sure Quatra knows you're doing your best. You're still so young, and training can be very difficult at times. As long as you're following the Code both in mind and in heart, I'm sure you'll get your lessons down, paving the way for you to be a great Jedi."

Well, now that that's all off my chest, I think it's time I got some sleep. Father hinted we might have a guest at dinner tomorrow. No sense in looking like I slept for two hours on top of a ship's hyperdrive. Speaking of ships, I really should give StarScreamer a bit of maintenance. She was running a bit sluggish last time I fired her up, and it won't do me any good to have her grounded for major repairs when I could have fixed them when they were minor.

Sabyne out.

Been doing some thinking...

Ever since I left the Order, the same thought has crossed my mind on several occasions. I never really felt like dealing with it before, namely 'cause I didn't think it was important enough to think on prior to now. Then I was asked it by someone, and it made me really think about it. Seriously this time.

I was sparring with Tyren this morning after breakfast in his training room here in Larahude. (our family's estate here on Leria Kerlsil) I have to say, I've missed seeing my little brother. Hard to believe the same kid who used to pull my hair and play tricks on me is now a decorated soldier. I wish I knew why it was so surprising; after all, the guy's only three years younger than me.

Wait, I know why. It's because the last time I saw him for an extended period of time before I left for Dantooine, he was four years old and a royal terror. I'm amazed Aqie had the patience with him that she did. I'm certain I would have pushed him the nearest window had I dealt with the antics she did.

But that's all ancient history. Plus, it's inhibiting my telling this story.

So we decided to do some sparring; you know, keep us on our toes. By Leria, it felt strange to fight without a lightsaber! After so many years of carrying one, suddenly having to fight with either my bare hands or a vibroblade feels almost alien. Maybe that's why he wanted to spar so badly, so he could get me used to the feel of fighting sans saber.

So who won? Neither of us, actually. We weren't fighting to win. If anything, we fought to a draw.

As we walked back up to our rooms, Tyren turned and asked me, "Sabyne, why did you come home? I thought you had to stay on Dantooine. Are you still a Jedi?" Almost defensively, I answered that I was, and why I was home was no one's business but mine. That seemed good enough for him, as he quickened his pace and left me walking by myself.

So I've been holed up here in my room for a few hours, asking myself the same question. Am I still a Jedi? After all, I'm not part of the Order, not to mention I no longer have my saber. But after three hours' worth of thinking, I can finally say one thing with confidence:

The Council can say I'm not a Jedi until they're violet in the face, for all I care. I'm still a Jedi.

So what if I don't belong to the Order? Since when does the Order decide who's Jedi and who isn't? Even without my lightsaber, I still follow the tenets of the Jedi Code, and I can still use the Force, so that should still make me a Jedi, right?

In unrelated developments, Mother told me Tierslae was asking if I would accompany her as one of her handmaidens on Coruscant. I'm still not sure what to say to that. As long as I can remember, I've known Tierslae to be nothing less than a self-absorbed bore who thinks she's the closest thing to perfection because she's our homeworld's youngest diplomat in three centuries. Still, I told Mother I would consider it.

Just call me a softie, I guess.

Aqie's calling me for dinner. Sabyne out.

My wandering begins

You know how they always say it's difficult to leave behind what you're most familiar with? That's it's near-impossible to turn away from what's familiar and blaze your own trail? Well, I'll let everyone in on a little secret.

Those idiots had no idea. Absolutely none.

This is my third week of life outside the Jedi Order. Three endless weeks since those old fools and their cronies deemed me a Sith spy...without any evidence to prove me as such! By Leria, are they blind? Or simply moronic? There was no evidence proving me a spy, only the statements made by another...one whom they refused to identify, yet they seemed to take his/her words as gospel.

Phah. Gospel, my arse. The only gospel that is is one of a liar.

Still, none of it matters in the end. The Council decreed I was guilty, that I must surrender my lightsaber and never again rejoin the Order. That was it. I was expelled. Done. I guess when you're a Jedi who doesn't practice blind obedience to the Order you have to come to expect being treated like garbage by the Council.

So I left. Master Vrook took my saber, and I left. Left the Temple on Coruscant, left Dantooine, left the Jedi, left everything. I never even got to say goodbye to...

Wait, I forgot. There is no one left to say goodbye to. Revan and Malak are away fighting the Mandalorians. Revan asked me if I would join him, but I refused. In one of my rare moments of agreeing with the Council, I told him I would not join, that the risk was far too great. I still remember how angry he was at my turning him down. One would have thought he was asking me to marry him or something...

And Bastila? That girl hates me. It's not my fault I'm so much better than she is at...well, at everything. The only thing that spoiled Jedi brat has over me is her pithy Battle Meditation, which makes her think she's Princess of the Galaxy because all the Masters fawn over her for it. By the Force, gag me already! The little snit can hardly wield her stupid lightsaber, let alone influence an entire fleet! I think it's just a ploy by her to get even more attention from those fawning old cronies. I've kicked her arse far more times in combat training than I can count, and each time she cries to Master Zhar or Master Vandar about how "unfair" my moves were and how I was being "so cruel". Wah, wah, wah...talk about redundancy. Made me want to shove her saber hilt down her throat to shut her up!

Granted, there was once a time she managed to get a small hit off me. She had somehow gotten me tight against a corner (If I ever let someone do that again, please just blast me on the spot!) and was moving in to disarm me. Well, I don't go down without a fight, even when I'm fighting whiny Jedi princesses, so I dodged her saber, parrying it easily with mine. I guess my dodge wasn't perfect, as she nicked me just below my right temple. I got a decent-sized cut out of it, as well as some burned hair, but I was free. And let's just say she was sulking a hell of a lot more for the rest of that day by the time we finished our training session. Gods, but I forgot how much I hate wimpy students, let alone spoiled ones like Bastila.

*sigh* Dammit, I'm all depressed now. I need to brood. Sabyne out.